The Double Standard of Promiscuity
Posted by tsera on September 19, 2007
I know it’s been talked about before, but I just wanted to take a few minutes and ponder the double standard we have about the promiscuity of men and women.
Why is it that a woman who enjoys sex, and has it often, is considered (in society’s eye) immoral and whorish, earning shame, disgust, and ostracization; while a man who partakes in frequent sexual activities is considered virile, potent, and manly, and receives the admiration of his peers?
I believe this all has to do with our physiology and the paternal path our society has adopted over the centuries. Men are traditionally the ones who go out into the world and provide for their family, while the women stay home to receive the man’s bounty. The men are the Givers, and the women are the Takers, more or less. This likely stems from the actual act that is responsible for producing the family – the man gives of his own body, while the woman takes it into her own and nurtures it. Our society has grown up around this exchange.
When a man – a Giver – engages in frequent sexual encounters with multiple partners, his role as a Giver is magnified. He seems more generous, more willing to give of himself, selflessly providing his partners with that most carnal, primal, and vital of gifts.
When a woman – a Taker – engages in frequent sexual encounters with multiple partners, her role as a Taker is magnified. She seems more greedy, wanting to receive as many of these “gifts” as she can. The more she Takes, the more greedy she becomes in the eye of society.
There are, of course, caveats, asterisks, and exceptional cases in a theory like this, but I think at its base, in the most general terms, this is why the double standard exists. Will we ever be rid of it? Is it possible to completely free ourselves from this dichotomy of social acceptance, or are we doomed by our very physiology?
What’s wrong with a woman who knows what she wants, and isn’t afraid to do what it takes to satisfy those desires?
hismuse said
Some good thoughts you brought up. Though I think when there was goddess worship, women were in a much better place where sex is concerned. I’m reading Seductress now trying to figure out how some women fare better in this area. I have never felt like a taker though, I always feel I’m the giver. Glad I stopped by.
tsera said
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Wicca is a very good and very vivid exception to this explanation. And I can get into a quagmire talking about the Christian assimilation and suppression of everything Wiccan… but I won’t.
Come back often!
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bdenied said
Great post. This is the double standard we face every day as we reverse our roles. I am not the seed spreader, she is the seed catcher. It always amazes me how we are stereo typed and how often I am asked how I can stand my wife with another man.
doug said
Another perspective, if you’ll allow me to speak in lame stereotypes:
Could it be a dominance thing within female social circles? If the Alpha female is counting on Pussy Control, her support can be eaten out from under her. Thus, promiscuity is socially punished.
Alpha males generally don’t rip on their boys for getting (heterosexually) laid… except in alternative social structures like conservative politics and religious institutions. Now, what could shake these male structures enough to get a catty reaction? Gay sex!
dobby said
Gosh, this is a poignant and timely thing for me to read. Having just broken up with a partner who felt it was right and normal for him to expect extramarital sex & threesomes, but who was deeply fundamentally challenged when I did so, these are questions I’m now asking myself as well.
I suspect there aren’t any easy answers unfortunately
doctor_r said
I think it has to do with biology. Sex if fun and fulfilling to us because if it weren’t, we wouldn’t do it, and it we wouldn’t be around for long as a species. So, having a motivation for sex is an instinct we possses which is rooted in childbirth.
A reproductive strategy for a human male, who doesn’t carry the burden of childbirth and dependency from his offspring in early childhood, can be to mate with as many females as possible. This strategy is not a good one for the human female. For the human female, having sex with lots of males who aren’t invested in her beyond their desire for sex with her, would probably result in death for both her and her offspring.
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